Be exceptional. Don’t believe you are the exception to The Rules.
Linda and Paul McCartney…An Exception to ‘The Rule’
One of my favorite real-life love stories is that of Linda and Paul McCartney. From the moment they met, they never spent a night apart. The beautiful photographer won over the Beatle within one day. Linda’s kind heart influenced Paul in the direction of compassion and they became a power-couple championing animal rights and vegetarianism. Creativity and music was, of course, a big part of their life as well. They both appear to have been faithful and devoted until Linda died of cancer in 1998. Paul McCartney was a romantic, devoted, admiring husband throughout their marriage despite their quick start… Not because of it!
Linda and Paul McCartney posing for PETA in their “GO Veggie” and “STOP Eating Animals” shirts.
This love story is an exception to the rule. Spending every night with a man from the get-go does not usually work. No matter how infatuated with you he may be, a little mystery always goes a long way.
When it comes to love, we often want to believe we are beyond “The Rules”, that we get a ‘free pass’ and that a man’s love for us will overcome his human nature. Sometimes, we can be deluded by the high emotions of romance and forget that a man’s love and desire must grow over time in order for it to last a lifetime. Men value what they work for and they love a challenge!
There are certain things you can do to increase the likelihood that he’ll fall in love with you – like being hard to get, having your own life, and actually truly being exceptional. This is not an act. You are not ‘playing’ hard to get. You should truly be hard to get. Be like the sun. Let your life have so much gravity of its own that no man can take you out of orbit. You will let some light shine his way, when it is convenient for you. But, never lose your center.
So, what is one of the top reasons women break TR (The Rules)?!!! They begin to think they’ve ‘got him’ and now they can relax. She will tell herself that “he is so into me. I can break TR now.” Perhaps he has been consistently courting you, bringing you flowers, and saying “I love you.” You may start to think he’s so into you that nothing could slow down his passion. But, believe it or not, when you meet a man who is so into you like this, now is actually the time to become even more committed to your life goals. To paraphrase Ellen and Sherrie, when you think you’ve met The One, now is the time to go get that MBA, go complete your degree, take up tennis, embark on whatever self-development and career goals you’ve been putting off. Do not carve more time out for him – devote even more time now to being your best self.
Be Aphrodite. Be the self-possessed, self-fulfilled, magnetic woman with a rich, exciting life. Keep practicing your spirituality and keep a full dance card. Being exceptional means being the woman who does not go off-kilter when a man gives her lots of attention. A woman who does not lose her cool and maintains her good graces will win him over in the long run.
Let’s look at this exception to the rules vs. being exceptional. . . Why is it that we want to be exceptions to TR. Is it coming from a place of insecurity or a desire for quick, easy gratification that we want to believe we can break rules and still marry the man of our dreams?
For example, women can get so caught up in the romance of the moment that they think “why not lay it all out there, put my heart on the line and tell him how I really feel about him.” Or, “this feels good and he seems really into me, I think I’ll go ahead and have sex with him tonight. I bet my sexy lace thong will even make him more infatuated.” No no no! This is all wrong. He must fall in love with your whole self, your soul, not your outer trappings. This takes time and the more obstacles in the way to his sexual desires, the more he has an opportunity to get to know the whole you.
The Rules still apply, a slow burn wins over a quick flame every time. Let a man’s desire for you build with time and it will last a life time. If you follow your momentary impulses you are that much more likely to be a transient fling for him. Don’t you want to be the elusive Aphrodite instead of the easy girl for a night? You must be the one to pace the relationship. If you don’t slow it down and keep your energy on your life, he will likely slowly fade out of view and court a woman who is more of the elusive butterfly.
Don’t fool yourself into thinking that your bedroom skills, hot underwear, or honest sharing about your ‘feelings’ is going to win him over.
You don’t try to be an exception to the rule when it comes to dental hygiene, do you?
Think of the dentist. We all know flossing prevents cavities. Do you go to the dentist eager to prove you’re the one who is the exception to the rule, avoiding flossing and brushing your teeth just so you can prove you were the exception? No! You are smart and you floss and brush consistently because the risk is not worth the pain and hassle of cavities.
But, when it comes to love, we get caught up in the momentary feelings (and cultural lies about what creates legendary love) that we delude ourselves into thinking “I will be the exception.” Insecurities, or some egoic desire to ‘be the special one’ makes us rush in and do all the things that decrease our chances of actually creating that ecstatically happy marriage we all long for.
Trust me, I’ve been there and done that. Just do TR. Focus on being an exceptional woman. But, please, dear ones, do not believe you will be the exception to TR, you will only get heart broken or waste your time. And, the world needs your time and energy to be devoted to your purpose in life. Only give your time and energy to the men who have earned it.
With love and gratitude,